I woke up this morning to a prayer / meditation session where everything clicked. After, I went for a fast walk on the treadmill, working up a sweat while “conversing” with Stephen Covey about the 8th Habit. What a great way to start the day – for both mind and body. Then, after feeling inspired and writing ten things I appreciate in my Gratitude Journal, I and the family were off to church, which was spiritually recharging and socially fun.
So why am I so unhappy?
Yes, I seem to be stuck in the mud this afternoon and evening. Just a bit of the blues. And it doesn’t help to realize that, compared to the great suffering others are experiencing, I should be grateful. Realizing that just mixes guilt into the mud.
In Tony Robbins style (well perhaps in a half-hearted Tony Robbins attempt), I tried to change my state by walking on the treadmill (twice) in the afternoon. Got the body moving… but I’m still feeling locked up.
I could blame it on the weather – lack of light and the rain drizzling outside. But blaming the weather… yuck… Both Covey and Crowded House say “You always take the weather with you” and I believe that to be true. It’s so easy to say that I hate the weather… but happiness comes from within. Surrendering my power to the weather isn't productive, and just doesn't look like truth.
I think the real cause may be lurking around this task of describing my ideal day. Answering yesterday’s question about my Ideal Average Day certainly could have stirred up the mud.
Realizing that, as much as I have to be grateful for (and it's a lot), pondering what I don't have and how I am not living each precious day... well, I'm thinking that can be depressing. It’s even less fun to clarify a few things I really want which, because of the limiting restrictions, I can’t have.
I’m a bit stuck on:
- Where I live
- How I go to sleep and whether I get a good night’s sleep
- Where I work (the physical space I use when working).
But I do have a lot of good ideas listed. And even these sticky points may get worked out with a bit more reflection and self-exploration.
So I think I’m going to just hang in there… wait it out. And maybe make visual representations of the lifestyle I’ve envisioned. With the photography thing in me, I really do well with visuals. So I’ll cut up some magazines and make a new vision board.
And power through it.
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